[The thudding in Giovanni's chest is hard to avoid. When it's that noticeable, he can't just shut it down, turn it off, and look away—he processes it for what it is, inhaling deeply as he accepts it. This is a big deal. Giovanni had explained every aspect of why, and Scott understands. He's never had a lack of support. Maybe it started with just his mom and Stiles, but he's always had someone there for him.
What if Theo had fully succeeded? That's the only way he has any sense of what could be different. That's the only way he'd understand Giovanni entirely.
That doesn't mean he won't try.]
No. It's more—mystical than anything, I guess. If you need me—call. Even if you're somewhere I couldn't possibly hear. I'll know. [It's all about conscious absorption into the pack, rather than someone slipping in unknown. It's always been about that, right from the very beginning, long before he was Alpha in the first place.]
[Again, there's something subtly wry in his tone, as though it's something he doesn't completely understand. What he is, it's a 'triumph' of science and technology, not a trace of mysticism to be found. But he's been here long enough to know that there are things and experiences that exist outside of the bounds of reality as he used to understand it. Is coming to accept more of it, day by day, the longer time passes and he remains with ALASTAIR.
And he wants this, to be part of something bigger than himself. He does. Regardless of whether it's something he completely comprehends. There's nothing new for him, in that.]
And would it work in reverse? Should you require my assistance?
Honestly ... not to the same degree. It's more like—[Scott tries to put it into words, knowing that he's failing.] Do you remember my howl? The one I made before. [He means when the riot started, when everything became chaotic. Scott knows Stiles could hear him. Even if he hadn't been nearby, he could hear him. But the news of the riot itself should have been enough information to clarify exactly why Scott chose to howl.
Times like that can bring about different actions and decisions.]
If I do that, you'll be able to hear it. It's more ... dependent upon that, honestly.
[Of course he does, despite the redblack haze that had descended on him in the heat of the fight, the way Kerberos had risen in him and corroded his ability to maintain control of himself. There'd been the sound of it, like something reaching down inside of him and gripping tight, shaking him loose. A moment of clattering clarity. Not something he'd easily forget because there have always been very few ways to bring a berserking Rammsteiner back under control, the only other being besides his creator he'd known to be capable of it was Heine, the very best of them.
He still doesn't really understand. But perhaps he doesn't need to.]
I see. And then, don't hesitate to use it, should you need me.
I can do that. [One of Scott's gifts as a leader is getting people to rally around him, and seeing the strengths of everyone involved. He isn't always good at being unbiased. At the heart of things, he's still human</>. He has moments where what he believes blinds him to what needs to happen.
Having his pack has been important to him. Scott can't act without them. There are times when it's hard for him to put a burden on the people around him, but he knows better than to keep them in the dark, and to suffer on alone.]
I will do that. You're as much my strength as I'm yours. Remember that.
[And Giovanni, if nothing else, is someone who knows how to carry a burden. To live with the weight of it, no matter how crushing it may become.
But the response is one that, once again, strikes a certain chord in him, leaves him with a strange bright sensation at the centre of himself which - like so many feelings - he wouldn't know how to express or explain in words. But there's a solidity to the promise, this way. Something to keep him tethered to the here and now, a small spark of purpose. Even now, so far away from that place, it's something he longs for-- to lend himself to someone else, to find a place for his loyalty to reside.
And so there's the quick beat of his heart, that bright widening feeling, at odds with the relative coolness of the exterior front he portrays. He nods, just once.]
[Knowing what he knows now, Scott understands that moving forward with Giovanni will require some delicacy. He recalls Isaac's trauma of being abused and locked in a freezer by his father, forced to deal with the punishment of being the only son who managed to live. The anger Isaac felt as a result of that was blistering, and he wanted nothing more than to be strong, to act out—because those things made him feel powerful.
In the end, it was really that he needed a place to belong.
Giovanni's experiences aren't unlike Isaac's, but they are, as well. If Isaac hadn't been freed from his father's abuse, but had continued as a werewolf, where would he be now? Where would he be without Scott to help him? The world of the supernatural was known for its violence, especially in the wake of what Gerard did to Deucalion. Scott's been lucky not to have faced something like this before, at least on this scale, but he's ready for the challenge.
He wants to help. It's not a challenge in terms of competition. It's a challenge because he wants to meet this head on. If anything, that's something that will make him stick around, to help Giovanni see that people can come and go, but the bonds still matter. Just as he had been left and it left a scar, future bonds can leave different marks.]
Good. Good. [He glances toward the door.] I think we're set for now. Check in with me after we rift in. I'll want to know where you are.
[Scott's eyes flick towards the door, and Giovanni takes the hint. Nods once, even as something tight-wound and tense seems to subtly drain from him in the wake of the conclusion to this meeting, the most fractional signs of something settling, smoothing over. As though this has taken something out of him, given him something else in return.
A sizable step, considering their recent network conversation. The decision to put this level of trust in someone, despite everything.]
I'll be sure to do that. Chances are, it'll be needed.
[Needed, because it'll be a challenge to him, he knows, to keep from giving in to the impulses that have been ingrained in him, beaten down into his bones, branded into the centre of himself. To undo all of that violence, it's going to take a good deal of effort and will and work. This much he knows.
And yet, in some respects if not all, he's willing.]
For now then, adieu.
[He turns then, heads towards the door, and there's one discernible moment of hesitation as he stands there with his hand on the knob, half-turned, as though there's something else he wishes to say. But then he turns it, exists the room. Closes the door behind him.
Thank you always has been a difficult thing to say.]
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no subject
What if Theo had fully succeeded? That's the only way he has any sense of what could be different. That's the only way he'd understand Giovanni entirely.
That doesn't mean he won't try.]
No. It's more—mystical than anything, I guess. If you need me—call. Even if you're somewhere I couldn't possibly hear. I'll know. [It's all about conscious absorption into the pack, rather than someone slipping in unknown. It's always been about that, right from the very beginning, long before he was Alpha in the first place.]
no subject
[Again, there's something subtly wry in his tone, as though it's something he doesn't completely understand. What he is, it's a 'triumph' of science and technology, not a trace of mysticism to be found. But he's been here long enough to know that there are things and experiences that exist outside of the bounds of reality as he used to understand it. Is coming to accept more of it, day by day, the longer time passes and he remains with ALASTAIR.
And he wants this, to be part of something bigger than himself. He does. Regardless of whether it's something he completely comprehends. There's nothing new for him, in that.]
And would it work in reverse? Should you require my assistance?
no subject
Times like that can bring about different actions and decisions.]
If I do that, you'll be able to hear it. It's more ... dependent upon that, honestly.
no subject
[Of course he does, despite the redblack haze that had descended on him in the heat of the fight, the way Kerberos had risen in him and corroded his ability to maintain control of himself. There'd been the sound of it, like something reaching down inside of him and gripping tight, shaking him loose. A moment of clattering clarity. Not something he'd easily forget because there have always been very few ways to bring a berserking Rammsteiner back under control, the only other being besides his creator he'd known to be capable of it was Heine, the very best of them.
He still doesn't really understand. But perhaps he doesn't need to.]
I see. And then, don't hesitate to use it, should you need me.
[That's how it should work, isn't it?]
no subject
Having his pack has been important to him. Scott can't act without them. There are times when it's hard for him to put a burden on the people around him, but he knows better than to keep them in the dark, and to suffer on alone.]
I will do that. You're as much my strength as I'm yours. Remember that.
no subject
But the response is one that, once again, strikes a certain chord in him, leaves him with a strange bright sensation at the centre of himself which - like so many feelings - he wouldn't know how to express or explain in words. But there's a solidity to the promise, this way. Something to keep him tethered to the here and now, a small spark of purpose. Even now, so far away from that place, it's something he longs for-- to lend himself to someone else, to find a place for his loyalty to reside.
And so there's the quick beat of his heart, that bright widening feeling, at odds with the relative coolness of the exterior front he portrays. He nods, just once.]
I shall endeavour to.
no subject
In the end, it was really that he needed a place to belong.
Giovanni's experiences aren't unlike Isaac's, but they are, as well. If Isaac hadn't been freed from his father's abuse, but had continued as a werewolf, where would he be now? Where would he be without Scott to help him? The world of the supernatural was known for its violence, especially in the wake of what Gerard did to Deucalion. Scott's been lucky not to have faced something like this before, at least on this scale, but he's ready for the challenge.
He wants to help. It's not a challenge in terms of competition. It's a challenge because he wants to meet this head on. If anything, that's something that will make him stick around, to help Giovanni see that people can come and go, but the bonds still matter. Just as he had been left and it left a scar, future bonds can leave different marks.]
Good. Good. [He glances toward the door.] I think we're set for now. Check in with me after we rift in. I'll want to know where you are.
no subject
A sizable step, considering their recent network conversation. The decision to put this level of trust in someone, despite everything.]
I'll be sure to do that. Chances are, it'll be needed.
[Needed, because it'll be a challenge to him, he knows, to keep from giving in to the impulses that have been ingrained in him, beaten down into his bones, branded into the centre of himself. To undo all of that violence, it's going to take a good deal of effort and will and work. This much he knows.
And yet, in some respects if not all, he's willing.]
For now then, adieu.
[He turns then, heads towards the door, and there's one discernible moment of hesitation as he stands there with his hand on the knob, half-turned, as though there's something else he wishes to say. But then he turns it, exists the room. Closes the door behind him.
Thank you always has been a difficult thing to say.]